


A Swan's Lament

by holshorse



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Recreational Drinking, minor dub con? kinda?, tears. plenty of tears, under the influence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holshorse/pseuds/holshorse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you jealous?" His voice was flat, or at least he hoped it'd be. Ushijima could see it. He could see Hinata turned away, shoulders pulled up almost to his ears while he looks off in the corner. The light filtering in from the hall lamp illuminated Hinata's profile. His eyes were shiny and wet. The shaking was worse than just even a second ago. Ushijima didn't know what to do. Thoughts pounded at the forefront of his mind, a headache starting to form as the alcohol faded with every passing moment. What else was he supposed to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Swan's Lament

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've written and who knows when I'll ever write another one, lmao.

Hinata's at home, sitting on the floor in front of the television with bright colours flashing across the screen, a video game with two characters in an all-out battle of sword against sword. Clashing and clanging drones from the poor quality of the old, hand-me-down TV given to them by Ushijima's family. Screaming men and swords colliding distract Hinata from thoughts of Ushijima, who'd gone out earlier that night. It's a weekend. Hinata doesn't know where he went. When asked where he was going, Ushijima grumbled a response and slammed the door shut like usual - he always says he always shuts the door like anyone else, but Hinata believes otherwise whenever he feels the gust of air.

It's almost 2 AM by the time Hinata starts feeling tired, making him finally decide to head to bed. So he begins to turn off the electronics and clean up the living room. Ushijima still hasn't made it home and, despite how he worries, Hinata tries his best to not let it irritate him. He surprises himself with thoughts like: Well why would it irritate me? What Ushijima does is none of my business. We're only roommates and sometimes we make meals for each other. Besides that, we stick to ourselves and don't make a fuss of each other. Er.. at least, he doesn't make a big deal over me.

He's almost done by the time he hears a jarring thump outside the door. Next thing he knows, a tipsy Ushijima is flinging open the door and hobbling into the living room. His expression is determined, his eyes searching for something. Their glances catch each other. Heavy amber eyes shy away from the intensely gloomy gaze of Ushijima's piercing gold. They look right at him, reading and judging him.

Hinata distracts himself with turning away to clean off the coffee table, avoiding whatever thoughts that linger. He can feel himself flushing, knowing Ushijima is still standing there, and fumbles with putting away a controller. Suddenly he doesn't even know how to use his own hands. The heavy stare was burning up his nape, down his spine, and into the small of his back. Of course, he has no idea if Ushijima was still or even actually looking at him. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Maybe, just maybe, he was hoping that Ushijima was still paying attention to him. No, no, no. That's a weird thought to have about your roommate, Hinata. Stick with what you're doing. Just go to bed. Soon, Ushijima will get tired of creepily standing there and will go to bed himself. He can't stand there forever. Actually, he probably could. He has a lot of strength and, even though he's more than likely drunk, he could probably stand until morning.

Hinata's torn from his thoughts with the sound of shoes being tossed into the corner of the entry way, banging against the wall and rolling across the tile a couple times before landing in the heap of both their shoes. Deciding to finally acknowledge Ushijima, Hinata turns and quickly says, "Ushiwaka! Welcome home. I didn't know it was so late! I'm just finishing cleaning up. It's... It's almost morning, so maybe you should head to bed. You stink, too," Hinata tries a weak smile that gives away his anxieties in his poor attempt at joking, "Maybe wash up before you make your sheets smell, too? You just washed those, right? Washing them again would be a waste of water."

Ushijima's brow wrinkles, disrupting his stone-like stature, "Why do you feel like you need to worry about me? I'm not anything special to you, just someone to provide a home. Worrying about what I'm doing is why you're not finding a job," He takes a breath in, hiccuping and letting out a puff of breath that he's sure Hinata could smell despite the fair distance between them. His vision is blurry, focusing solely on the poof of orange hair that was almost like a traffic cone in the middle of the night on a dark road. He was exhausted - neck and shoulders sore, lips grimy with some girls lipstick that he knew he should wash.

The small hint of a smile, that Ushijima could make out at least, disappeared. Ushijima knew that he was being harsh, ignoring the fact that his words are cold and stabbing to Hinata's warmth. Yet his filter was long gone, liquid courage intoxicating his thoughts. He felt sharp, as though he could speak clearly and more intelligent than he would any other day. But Ushijima knew better. He's been around enough people to know that his words are slurred and his posture is lazy, face probably beat red

Hinata's heart rate skyrockets, a pang of guilt twisting and rising in the back of his throat. He knew. He knows that he's been a total squatter. Usually Ushijima's drunken words wouldn't hurt so bad, only just bother or irritate him. Sometimes he wonders if they're ever true. Are these Ushijima's actual thoughts of me? No, I shouldn't worry, right? Worrying is why I'm here. Just go to bed, sleep, wake up, and pretend that nothing was said. He won't remember what was said.

The thumping in his chest grows impossibly more, so he rushes to the hallway. He makes a straight beeline to his room, all while praying he doesn't get caught in another one of his roommates late night drunken training sessions.

But the presence behind follows Hinata down the hallway. The faint smell of a strange woman's perfume permeates behind him, a haunting of what Ushijima could've been up to in his evening. A late night escapade with a strange woman from a local bar, he's sure. The idea sends another pang, this time to Hinata's gut and he can feel his face go cold. Why does the idea of that hurt him? It's none of his business who Ushijima does and doesn't spend his time with, especially strange women who don't know anything besides his face, maybe not even his name....

Hinata huffs and flings open the door of his room, rushing himself in and... attempting to shut the door. Something blocks it. Convinced it's just a shoe he left on the floor, Hinata turns and finds, well, not a shoe. In it's place is, in fact, a very large foot.. connected to a very large leg which.. is connected to a very large and swaying Ushijima. Being this close, Hinata can see the faded smear of lipstick, splattered in hungry patterns along Ushijima's jaw, trailing to his ear. Some even cross his lips and take their path down his neck. The marks on his neck circle purplish, irritated spots that disrupt Ushijima's smooth skin. The colour of the lipstick looks almost like they're burns, faded just enough to show that someone was there and intended to stay, marking their territory.

He wonders what kind of face he's actually making as his lips pull into an ear-to-ear, jaw grinding smile. He's sure that Ushi can tell, even in his drunken state, that Hinata's eyes don't reflect the smile that he's pulling. Maybe Ushijima can tell that seeing those marks hurts Hinata, having to witness the aftermath of where he has been tonight.

And he can. Ushijima can see the sad lilt in Hinata's brows, eyes drooping and smile lying. He knows the shame that covers his skin, feeling the remnants of the stranger's lips tingling along his jaw. His lips are still so sore after having been bitten and sucked out of desperation and lonliness. Yet, despite the hurt laid out on the face before him, no guilt finds its way crawling up his back. No regret ringing at his ears. No second-guessing the fact that he left the girl alone in the room of the hotel.

Hinata's voice squeaks, adolescence still showing in his adult years, "Ushi! Is there something you wanted? I'm going to bed, now that it's already so late. I should get up early to get breakfast and go for a run! Some early morning training, right? You should join me! Then afterwards, I can start my job hunting, maybe even look into places I could move into eventually," He stammers across his words, watching as Ushijima ducks under the threshold, bringing himself into Hinata's sanctuary. His in-home paradise. No, not home. The distance between them shortens for a mere moment, until Hinata steps back. He needs to keep their distance plenty. Don't inconvenience Ushijima.

"Eh, Ushiwaka you seem a little tipsy, maybe you should go get a glass of.. uh.. water and go.. lay down..." Hinata's scrambling to find the words that he wants to use. Nothing comes to mind. Absolutely nothing while he watches Ushijima stepping forward, looking down and making Hinata feel even smaller than before. His eyes, gold and piercing, narrow, looking... almost hungry. Hinata can visibly see Ushijima's jaw clench, the gears in his brain grinding to work through his drunken haze.

Ushijima grunts, unable to come up with a proper response. His breath reeks of alcohol, heavy liquor and whisky mingling together in Hinata's nose. "I need to tell you something." His voice was gravelly, low and rumbling in the dark of the room. His breath still stunk. The perfume was stronger, burning its way up Hinata's nose and making his eyes water. Ushijima took a chance and stopped closer to Hinata, making him back up even farther.

"Ushiwaka, really, you should just go to bed. The later you stay up, the worse you're going to feel in the morning and-" Hinata's hands raise up, holding themselves in whatever space is left between the two. What's he supposed to do? Ushijima usually never goes into his room, especially when he's drunk, "-Ushi, you're getting really close. I'm sorry, but I really should sleep. I need to start job hunting in the morning, that way I can stop relying on you more. You're right, I let my worry for you get the best of me. I shouldn't have worried at all. Me worrying is why you're getting angry, I understand. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be worrying about who you're going out with, even if it's some.. Strange girl that I don't know or I'll never meet. I'm so sorry. I'm sure she's cute and her frame is petite and fits you just perfectly. Just the kind of girl you wanted, right? Please let me go to bed, or else I'll still just be a squatter by morning. That's all I'll be if I stay here, right?"

His voice shook. By this time, Ushijima had grabbed a hold of Hinata's wrists in his hand, holding them tightly. He couldn't tell if it was him who was shaking, his almost vice grip giving away what he actually felt after hearing Hinata finally speak what he felt. Maybe it was Hinata who was shaking. His voice was practically trembling, stumbling over his words by the time he finished his scattered words. Ushijima leaned forward, eyes narrowing.

"Are you jealous?" His voice was flat, or at least he hoped it'd be. Ushijima could see it. He could see Hinata turned away, shoulders pulled up almost to his ears while he looks off in the corner. The light filtering in from the hall lamp illuminated Hinata's profile. His eyes were shiny and wet. The shaking was worse than just even a second ago. Ushijima didn't know what to do. Thoughts pounded at the forefront of his mind, a headache starting to form as the alcohol faded with every passing moment. What else was he supposed to do?

Hinata's frame was small. Smaller than the girl's that he thought could easily help him kill this dissatisfaction of not being able to even touch the one he lives with. But Ushijima couldn't help himself. He couldn't help it when his eyes practically dragged themselves across Hinata's skin, watching his adam's apple bob with sheer nervousness. Taking in every hiccuping breath that gave him proof enough that Hinata was indeed crying. Had he always had these thoughts? Were Ushijima's words too harsh? Much more than what he thought they would do? Usually Hinata would've laughed it off and forced me to go to bed. Why is he not doing anything this time?

Irritation raised the hairs on the back of Ushijima's neck, brows furrowing and teeth grinding. He doesn't know how to convey his emotions like this. Thoughts and ideas about how to handle this situation are running a mile a minute in his head and he can feel adrenaline starting to rush through his system as he comes back to his right mind.

"Hinata," his gravelly voice sounds so loud in the dark lighting and silence of the room, almost overwhelming his senses. Ushijima loses a grasp on one of Hinata's small wrists, tightening it on the other one, and reaches for the redheads face. He doesn't go in with a vice grip. Instead, his fingertips gently guide Hinata by his jaw, making him face forward while Ushijima invites himself in. Their lips just barely touch before Ushijima is grabbing at Hinata's side and pulling him forward, holding one body against the other.

His breath is racing and he still has no idea what he's doing while Hinata struggles, trying to express frustration? Dissatisfaction? Fear? Ushijima can't help himself when he starts nibbling away at Hinata's lips, suckling his way down and across his jaws. Lipstick residue smears across Hinata's pale skin. It's grimy and feels old. Like leaving cake icing on your hand too long.

Hinata doesn't know what to do. His body feels weak, totally and completely powerless against Ushijima's. His mind is racing. So many things fighting against what he's feeling. Don't let him do this. He's just drunk! He doesn't know what he's doing! Make him stop.. But he can't. No.. He can. Nothing is stopping him from telling Ushijima to quit it. He clenches his teeth, shutting his eyes as he feels teeth and lips pulling and kissing and grabbing at his ear lobe. This is wrong, Hinata! Stop letting him do this, or he'll really hate you when he's sober!

"U-Ushi.. Ushiwaka.." No response. Either Ushijima is so drunk that he can't hear Hinata, or he doesn't care enough to listen to the pathetic whine.

"Ushijima," Hinata tries again.

Still no indication that he was heard - or that Ushijima even cares about what he's doing. Instead, he bites hard on Hinata's lobe before breathing heavily into his ear, preparing himself to say something.

The words take a moment. Everything, par the heavy breathing from both parties, standing still in complete silence. Time feels frozen and Hinata can feel the tears trying to fight against the confusion.

"No woman could ever satisfy me as you would."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment (positive critiques!) and a kudos! Thanks so much for reading! Let me know if you'd be interested in more.


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